Communist Santa
Communist Santa is the arch-nemesis of Exploding Santa. Communist Santa cruises the cosmos in his space-ship piloted by his motley crew of pirate-space-deer, robbing from the rich and giving to the poor. He dislikes Dino-Nauts.
Contents
Specifications
| Acceleration: | 1 Gyard/sec2 |
| Operating Range: | 100 million light-gyards |
| Favorite Pasta: | All pastas should be eaten equally. |
| Affiliation: | Space-communism |
Early Childhood
Communist Santa grew up in the ghettos of Gotham City back in the day on Ye Olde Earth. Batman was his idol for most of Santa's childhood. Named Nick Claws by his parents, Communist Santa had a fairly meek, but provided for, life. Or did, until his parents died in an accident involving one of the rail system trains falling on their faces during a crime riot. He entered orphan-hood at the age of 10. Disfranchised and put down by the system, he was determined to change it. He decreed that all must be equal. Obtaining an education under the tutelage of a math professor, he determined that if all wealth were spread evenly, everyone would be poor. In the obsessed mind of Nick Claws, this was the right choice.
The Quest for New Communism
Nick Claws embarked on a journey to the former Soviet Bloc and Oriental countries to better understand communism and the conditions that created it. After seeing the suffering of the people there, but the immense love they had for their families, he was even more firmly convinced that universal poverty would be the best choice for humanity.
Nick Claws slowly recruited followers, and did not try to hoodwink them in any way. He told them upfront that under universal communism, all members of society would be equally poor. He told them that while true equality is not pretty, it is Just. A revolution began.
Though ultimately unsuccessful, Nick Claws managed to equally distribute the wealth of several small islands in the Pacific, thus making them more equal then ever before. The United States of America, upset at having Communism so near, became agitated and began a n aggressive manhunt for Claws. Nick Claws realized that if communism would ever reign (as it rightfully should) it wouldn't be here, or now.
A Solution
While on the run from authorities, he came across an odd fellow deep in the Vietnamese jungles. The discourse went something like follows:
Fellow: Claws? Nick Claws?
Claws: Huh? I don't know who you're talking about...
Fellow: There's no need to lie to me. I'm Chief Coffeestache. I have a solution for you. It's very likely it's the only way you'll survive. Come, let us commune.
The Escape
Nick Claws would need supplies, and a large area to escape the dominion of capitalism. Claws and Coffeestache stole lab machines from all over the globe. Their goal was to build a flux-induced hyper relay and escape to the Commie-Verse. During construction near the north pole, authorities were tipped off. The United States sent Batman to apprehend Nick Claws. Batman brought with him his beloved sidekick, Eileen.
Knowing time was short, Claws was rushed completion of the relay. While setting the weight-based coordinates and checking final systems, Batman showed up ready to take down Claws and his vile communism. Claws quickly made his way to the transporter module with Coffeestache. As the relay engaged, it started tearing nearby time-space, causing random damage and toppling castle turrets in the area. Noticing the disturbance, the real Santa came to investigate. Batman and Eileen hurried after Claws to stop him from this devilish plan.
When Batman and Eileen entered the transport module, an epic fight ensued with many punches and kicks, and WHAMMIES and POWS. Santa shortly showed up and, appalled at the violence, attempted to break apart the combatants. Santa was able to get himself in between the two groups and create a momentary lull in the fighting.
At this instant, the Relay went active. Mis-calibrated by having almost 10 times the target weight range, things went radically wrong. Santa's essence was sheared in half, split between Nick Claws and Batman. The target -verse was missed and three of the four people in the module ended up in the Gramma-Verse.
The Aftermath
Batman, permanently altered in both mind and body by the misfiring in the Relay, became known as Exploding Santa. He ended up in a third grade classroom somewhere in the Reading star system. Nick Claws was also extremely altered by the event, and ended up in the Beta Alpha Epsilon Theta Omega Pi System as Communist Santa, with an unaltered Inspector Coffeestache. Eileen's whereabouts are currently unknown, though some speculate that both Exploding Santa and Eileen spent some time somewhere before Exploding Santa emerged in the Gramma-Verse.
Exploding Santa and Communist Santa have been at odds with each other ever since.
Space-communism
Emerging on a small planet in the Beta Alpha Epsilon Theta Omega Pi System, Communist Santa found a colony of peaceful deer that supported a small fleet of space-trading deer. Communist Santa corrupted their benevolent leader, a duck, and soon the once peaceful deer and formed Santa's crews of pirate-space-deer. His twisted plan to bring space-communism to the entire Gramma-Verse had begun. His trade-mark quote: "All words are created equally."
Siege of Phonics
Unconfirmed rumors abound of Communist Santa's involvement in the Siege of Phonics. Generally most rumors agree that Communist Santa helped instigate the events, and that he saw a small part of his dream realized when all suffered equally under the siege of the Dino-Nauts.
