CapsLock-Class BattleTyper
CAPSLOCK-CLASS BATTLETYPERS (CCBTS) ARE THE BANE OF ALL GRAMMA-VERSE'S DENIZENS. EVEN AS YOU READ THIS ARTICLE, A CCBT IS DESTROYING YOUR SOUL. YOU ARE IN PAIN. YOUR EYES HURT. AND YOU AREN'T EVEN UNDER ATTACK - YOU'RE MERELY WITNESSING THE EFFECTS A CCBT HAS ON ITS SURROUNDING ENVIRONMENT.
SPECIFICATIONS
| ACCELERATION: | 50 GYARDS/SEC2 |
| OPERATING RANGE: | 5 MILLION LIGHT- GYARDS |
| FAVORITE PASTA: | ROTINIS |
| AFFILIATION: | VARIOUS (FREQUENTLY DINO-NAUTS) |
WEAPONS AND TACTICS
CCBTS ARE TYPICALLY ESCORTED BY SEVERAL SQUADRONS OF SPACE-SUBMERSIBLES, WHICH PROTECT THEM AGAINST TIE BOMBERS AND OTHER SMALL ATTACKERS. THEY BEAR ELABORATE ELECTRONIC EQUIPMENT, WHICH CAPITALIZES EVERY LETTER TYPED IN THEIR PROXIMITY, TO THE DISMAY OF GRAMMAR NAZIS, SPELLING FREAKS, AND TIE PILOTS ATTEMPTING TO TRAIN WITH MARIO TEACHES TYPING. OF COURSE, SUCH DEVASTATING POWER MAKES THEM THE FIRST TARGET OF ANY ENEMY FLEET. SUCH ENEMY FLEETS USUALLY LACK MUCH IN THE WAY OF LIFE-EXPECTANCY, THOUGH.
THEY ARE OFTEN USED IN A SUPPORT ROLE, BOMBARDING ENEMY PLANETS FROM ORBIT IN PREPARATION FOR A LLAMA LANDING.
BRISTLING WITH POWERFUL HYPHEN-CANNONS, A SINGLE, ONE-MAN CRAFT POSSESS ABSOLUTELY NO THREAT TO THESE LUMBERING BEASTS, AND NOTHING CAN WITHSTAND THE MAGNITUDE OF THEIR FIREPOWER.
WEAKNESSES
THE ONLY RELIABLE WAY TO DESTROY A CCBT IS TO ATTACK IT WITH TWO OR MORE CCBTS (THE SPACE-SUMBERSIBLE ESCORT PRIMARILY FUNCTIONS TO LOOK COOL).
CERTAIN ALTERNATE MEANS ARE BEING DEVELOPED HOWEVER. IT HAS BEEN KNOWN FOR SOMETIME THAT RUBBER DUCKIES AND GRAMMA-RADITION REACT VIOLENTY WHEN IN DIRECT CONTACT. COMMUNIST SANTA IS CURRENTLY HEADING A PROJECT TO SLIP A RUBBER DUCKY THROUGH THE SUB-SPACE FLUX STRAIGHT INTO A GRAMMA-DRIVE. THE TRICK IS THAT SUB-SPACE FLUX DOES NOT LIKE RUBBER DUCKIES SO ONE MUST DISGUISE THE DUCK THROUGHLY.
