Sciencemancer
A sciencemancer (not to be confused with Sciencemincer) is a person who mances for science. And loves it. The word "Sciencemancer" can refer to only fully-fledged Sciencemancers (and above), or to people of all ranks within the Sciencemancer hierarchy. Or both. Sciencemancers are responsible for very few of the most important technological breakthroughs in the Gramma-Verse. (Most breakthroughs are happened upon accidentally, or through complete stupidity)
Notwithstanding this small blight on their honor, Sciencemancers try very hard and take their work seriously. Fully-fledged Sciencemancers are among the most educated denizens of the Gramma-Verse, having been required to read over 500000 books and dissect upwards of 500 small animals. For science.
Sciencemancer Ranks
Sciencemancers have many ranks because they love ceremony and arbitrary requirements.
The ranks, in order from least to greatest, are as follows:
- Sciencemancer Initiate
- Initiate Sciencemancer
- Sciencemancer Adept
- Adept Sciencemancer
- Sciencemancer First Class
- First Class Sciencemancer
- Sciencemancer
- Sciencemancer Research Leader
- Sciencemancer Battle Leader
- Sciencemancer Dissection Leader
- Sciencemancer Head
- Head Sciencemancer
Size of Ranks
| Sciencemancer Initiate | 177,147 |
| Initiate Sciencemancer | 59,049 |
| Sciencemancer Adept | 19,683 |
| Adept Sciencemancer | 6,561 |
| Sciencemancer First Class | 2,187 |
| First Class Sciencemancer | 729 |
| Sciencemancer | 243 |
| Sciencemancer Research Leader | 81 |
| Sciencemancer Battle Leader | 27 |
| Sciencemancer Dissection Leader | 9 |
| Sciencemancer Head | 3 |
| Head Sciencemancer | 1 |
| TOTAL STRENGTH | 265,720 |
Recruitment
Sciencemancers do not recruit. A wannabe Sciencemancer is required to travel to the Sciencemancer homeworld and take 54 successive standardized tests. They are only allowed 2 bathroom breaks, one water break, and three #2 pencils. If the would-be Sciencemancer pases at least 37.5 of the 54 tests, they are initiated into the Sciencemancers as a Sciencemancer Initiate. If they fail the test, they are launched into orbit by catapults constructed as science projects by Sciencemancer Adepts.
Lifestyle
Upper-echelon Sciencemancers enjoy a lavish lifestyle - they are provided, free of charge, with grad-students, research assistants, telescopes, scientific calculators, protractors, pocket protectors, fountain pens, chalk, erasers, beakers, test-tubes, petri dishes, lab coats, lab coat hangers, and a harem of the Gramma-Verse's most beautiful women. Their experiments have been known to involve all these devices simultaneously.
Deathstyle
Whenever a Sciencemancer of any rank dies (other than from an official grenade, or poisoning), the senior Sciencemancer of the reduced rank calls all his superiors into a room, throws several grenades at them, locks the door, and runs. He then randomly poisons three of his immediate subordinates, who will die within the next five minutes. Finally, he poisons two of his colleagues at random, possibly himself.
Whenever a Sciencemancer of any rank is poisoned, he randomly poisons three of his immediate subordinates (who have not already been poisoned).
Every Sunday afternoon, the most senior Sciencemancer of the highest rank sends out a chain mail to three of his immediate subordinates. Anyone who receives the chain mail sends it to three of their immediate subordinates. Anyone who does not receive the chain mail has a grenade without a pin jammed down his throat.
The Sciencemancer Initiates are quite possibly the most heavily guarded personnel in the Gramma-verse, except for the senior ranking Sciencemancer.
