Sciencemincer

A Sciencemincer, as opposed to a Sciencemancer, is a person who uses scientific methods to mince food. (Especially meat) Sciencemincers, unlike Sciencemancers, do not have any formal organization or hierarchy. If you use scientific methods to mince food, you are a Sciencemincer. Case closed.

Methods

Well-known scientific methods of mincing:

• Folding some food over itself dozens of times in nega-space, and then cutting it once.
• Building and mounting a death ray and then mounting it in a box containing an elaborate system of high-efficiency mirrors and prisms. Then dropping food into the box.
• Mounting hundreds of thousands of sub-sub-sub-atomic black holes in a precise array. When food is placed in the center, the black holes pull it apart in a perfect mincing pattern. Revered Sciencemincer, Roni-San Fransisco, is known to make elaborate food sculptures with this method.

Origins

A historical photo of an early Sciencemincing enthusiast.

Sciencemincing began as a fad hobby for stay-at-home soccer-moms who had too little to do and too much education. The first recorded

Controversy

Famous Sciencemincer Ron Paul caused controversy when he provided Dino-Nauts (vis sub-sub-sub-space transmission) with plans for a high-tech sciencemincing machine. They promptly constructed the device and used it to horribly mince some Oprhans. They subsequently broadcast the video on all frequencies, grossing out several people.